Dear Anonymous,

No job is worth crying yourself to sleep every night. I would suggest doing some preliminary job searching to see if you can find something that you are happier with.

My boss has offerered to turn the company over to me in 2 years time. The problem is that I can’t stand the way he treats me. What do I do?

Dear F@W
I am 24 years old, and have the opportunity of a lifetime (I think). My boss, who is a very successful and honest person, is offering to turn his company over to me in 2 years time, which I am obviously very grateful for. The problem is that I don’t know if I can make it that long because anything that I do is by definition wrong if he did not do it himself. I know this is micromanaging, and I wonder how long I should put up with it before I tell him where to put his opportunity.

–Pissed off, Georgia

Dear Pissed off,
Micromanaging is such a common problem that we regularly encounter it. But your story has a slightly different twist with a real carrot dangling at the end of your rope. Your boss’s offer to turn the company over to you has likely distorted your ability to deal with the situation. Therefore, ask yourself how you would deal with the situation if there were no offer like this from your boss. If you would normally not put up with the way he treats you, then you should not do so now. I recommend that you sit down with your boss and mention to him that if he wants you to take over his company, he will need to have more faith in your ability. Give him a couple of specific examples where he has questioned or criticized something you have done. End off by asking him to delegate in the true sense of the word, and have you report to him on your progress at agreed intervals without getting involved in what you are doing or how you are doing it. The conversation will at least alert your boss to the problem, and he may well try to improve. If he doesn’t, send us another note, and we will offer you some additional suggestions.

Dear F@W
One of my primary roles at work is to analyze financials and report on them. I continue to have problems with the managers in my organization when it is time to update these reports. Despite my best efforts, and the setting of deadlines, I am hardly ever able to obtain the requested information from the managers. When I complained to the team leaders about the managers, they were sympathetic but continue to hold me responsible for obtaining the information from the managers? What can I do to help the situation?

–Monique, Florida

Dear Monique,
The problem to which you refer relates to the culture of your organization. If there is a culture of avoiding responsibility, or not submitting information on time, then people will exploit it to their benefit. Unfortunately, in your position there is not much you can do to change the culture. What you can do is send a carbon copy to the team leaders of every message that you send out to the managers requesting updates. By keeping a running record of your efforts to receive the necessary information, you can avoid being blamed when the reports are not submitted on time, or are incomplete.

Dear F@W
I started what I thought would be my dream job about a year ago. But nearly 6 months into it I realized that some things were awfully wrong. My boss started to make fun of me, including the place where I live, my boyfriend, what I wear, and where I go on vacation. Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago when my boss took me to lunch and told me that my work was terrible (which is a joke because I don’t have much work) and that nobody would hire me. I was devastated by this, and when I confronted him about it, he told me that he is not really good at dealing with people. I know it’s time to look for another job, but I just can’t shake what he said about my abilities. What should I do?

–Isabel, Montreal, Canada

Dear Isabel,
It is hard to deal with people who say insensitive things - especially when you are a sensitive person. In fact, being sensitive has its advanatages and disadvantages. It is great for understanding what others are going through. But it is really tough when you have to deal with someone who can be cruel. Your challenge is to recognize that very little of what others say represents the truth. It is just their opinion, and their opinion often changes – sometimes from one day to the next. Occasionally, someone will have something valuable to say to you. But for the most part, you have to treat people’s comments like mining for gold: you have to go through a great deal of rock to find even one ounce of gold.

Dear F@W
I work in an organization where I am clearly the smartest person around. Not only do I frequently come up with new ideas, but I also make them happen. My boss loves everything I do, but what do I get in return? Nothing except people dragging their feet, or trying to compete with me. The problem is that I cannot do everything myself (although I would if I could). How do I deal with the idiots that work with me? Should I try to get them fired, or look for another job?

–Melinda, Arlington, Texas

Dear Melinda,
Being the smartest person around has its advantages, but it also has its share of disadvantages. For example, it can cause others to want to compete with you. When they do, bear in mind that you achieve nothing by outdoing them. If anything, this breeds resentment, and often leads to people plotting your demise. It is far more important to make others feel that they are as valuable and respectable as you are. You can accomplish this by constantly downplaying your own contribution, and giving your colleagues the credit for a job well done whenever possible. When you give others credit, people will not overlook how smart you are. Instead, they will be happy to have you on their team, and your long term success will be enhanced.

Dear Megan,
The first thing to keep in mind is what is done cannot be undone. However, if you try to learn a lesson from every mistake that you make, there is a good chance that it will not be repeated. In this case, you might benefit from some of the following steps when you get angry:

1. Wait until the next day when you discover that an employee has made a mistake. That will give you enough time to cool off before raising the issue.
2. Before you start the conversation, ask yourself what you want the outcome to be… Do you want to give the person a tongue-lashing, or do you want to ensure that the mistake does not happen again? If the latter, then you should focus your comments on how the person can succeed instead of how the person has failed.
3. Reverse roles by asking yourself how you would wish to be treated if you were the person who messed up.
4. Always remember to compliment the person on some things that they are doing right. That will give them the confidence to face the things that they are doing wrong.
5. Offer to meet with the person in a week or so to discuss any follow-up questions they may have.

These steps will ensure that bitterness and resentment are kept to a minimum when you have to take someone to task.

Dear Daniel,
According to recent surveys, the average job only lasts three years. That means if you move now, and stay in your next job for a few years, this job will barely register as a blip on your employment radar. To put this another way, you should not stay in a job if the only reason is how it will look on your CV. Having said that, if this is part of a pattern of short-term stays, then you will need to take a more careful look at whether you are suited for full-time employment. Many people like yourself have discovered that other working arranagements such as consulting, temping, telecommuting and the like work much better for their temperament than sitting in a sterile office dealing with office politics all day. In addition, statistics show that people who adopt these unconventional working arrangments do just as well financially as (and sometimes even better than) their 40 hour/week colleagues.

Dear Valanda
The influence of alcohol on a relationship is always complex. Since you are not in a position to ask your boss not to drink alcohol, my suggestion is that you avoid situations in which alcohol might be consumed. If you boss wants to go out for lunch, suggest a place where alcohol is not available for sale, or order in. In those situations where you absolutely cannot avoid your intoxicated boss, I recommend that you avoid engaging your boss on any of the inappropriate subjects that she might wish to raise. This means staying silent when the subjects arise, or changing the subject as soon as the time seems right. If you do decide that you want to broach the issue with your boss – a risky undertaking at best – never bring up any troublesome issue when a person is under the influence. For the best response, always wait until the person is sober.

Dear Keshia
Getting your boss to be more receptive can be challenging when she knows what she wants, and you haven’t produced it. The key to dealing with this situation is preventing it from happening in the first place. You can do this by making sure you know what your boss is looking for well before the date of submission. Here are some guidelines: when your boss asks you to prepare a proposal, before you start working on it, write down a summary of what you understand the proposal will cover and submit it your boss. Once that is approved, send a table of contents to your boss describing each section that the proposal will cover, and obtain your boss’s feedback on that. Finally, send drafts of the proposal to your boss for comment and review. These steps will ensure that there are very few surprises in the final proposal that your boss receives.